Saturday, November 15, 2008

Can we make that a unit of measurement?

One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a Hamburger.

1 Cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.

2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.

3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.

4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.

And so on.

edit: other Cuil levels added for completeness.

5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.

edit2: We need a standard notation for Cuil to make calculations easier. I suggest the interrobang ‽, but I'm open to any other suggestions.

For those who are interested in helping to create a working Cuil Theory, come visit the new wiki at:

The password to gain wiki access once you register is "hamburger"

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Kimbo Slice on EliteXC

Content added from too many MMA blogs to mention.

Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson vs. James Thompson - Heavyweights - Frank Shamrock with the dumbest quote of the night. "If anyone can beat Kimbo it is James Thompson"

This was as close to a dirty ref job as I've ever seen. Kimbo Slice wins by TKO - Ref Stoppage - Round 3. Kimbo is getting booed. The one way you could kill the hype train is to make people think the fix was in. This was horrible. The last 2 fights had such bad endings that this is brutal for EXC. Kimbo can't even talk he is so gassed. He said the ref did a good job because he was going to aim for his ear.

Elite XC on CBS was not good for the sport. If we're lucky this will soon be forgotten, if we're not lucky then the most important fight in the history of MMA from an exposure standpoint looks to even the untrained eye to be fixed.

I’m not going to say that Kimbo wasn’t going to knock James Thompson out, because by the looks of things, he probably was well on his way to doing that. The thing that has me irked is that the ref stepped in and didn’t let the fight play out.

If you don’t think there was something rotting in Denmark then riddle me this. Gary Shaw, at the post fight press conference, told the media that James Thompson was taken to the hospital by ambulance immediately after the fight.

Cue entrance of “The Collusus.”

Either someone is lying to the live events president or the live events president is lying. Or, it could be some really bad miscommunication. The kind of miscommunication, however, that gets someone fired. Fast.

OVERALL: I loved the show. The fights were fantastic and despite the two horrible stoppages and the dancing whores I think it went off very well. All things considered over how bad it could have went I think this was as nice as we could have hoped for as mixed martial arts fans on a national stage. Just please stop with the strippers. Please.

Dan Miragliotta, when the fight absolutely, positively has to go your way.

Connecting London to New York

Forgotten for the past century deep within the Atlantic Ocean, this amazing telescope was built by a Victorian inventor to build a friendship between two large cities: London and New York. The project was resurfaced and now everyone can wave to their friends in New York effortlessly. According to the Daily Mail, “the Telectroscope uses 6ft screens and a Jules Verne style telescope that gleams with brass and an array of Victorian dials. Participants peer into one end of the screen - and hey presto - they can see anyone standing at the other side.” Here is how the powerful telescope looks like.

Jaguar X-Type 2.5: Taiwan Edition

If looks could kill

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Book of Creation

Chapter 1
In the beginning God created Dates.
And the date was Monday, July 4, 4004 BC.
And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and he got down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.


Monday, January 7, 2008

Jarnin's Law

Similar to Godwin's Law, it states:

As a StarGate discussion grows longer, the probability of someone mentioning the Furlings approaches one.

(c) Jarnin

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